Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party


2:18 am - April 1st 2011

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contribution by Caroline Holding

Due to successive governments’ refusal to take action against corporate tax evasion, Liberal Conspiracy can reveal that UKuncut is looking to form a parliamentary political party.

Their immediate plans will focus on selecting a candidate for the forthcoming London Mayoral elections.

The campaign group plan to campaign on a variety of issues, ranging from combating rampant neo-liberalism to resisting the complete destruction of all public services.

Journalists will be invited to a press conference at Fortnum and Masons later this week. The theme of the press conference will be “Eat the rich” and each journalist will be given their own pheasant to eat, poached from the Duke of Westminster’s estate.

They will also get 100 special eco-kettles with the UKuncut logo and a photo of the candidate on the side.

Key policies will include:

» Nationalising Top Shop, Barclays Bank, Vodafone and Boots. So these shops can no longer be purely devoted to unscrupulous profit making and instead turned into creative performing art spaces, libraries and crΓ¨ches.

» Offering free M&S vouchers to undercover police officers so they can look even more out of place on demos than they do already.

» Introducing new environmentally friendly buses and tube trains run on the hot air and bullshit spouted by Cameron, Osborne etc.

» Set up a new kind of tax haven in London where consumers can refuse to pay VAT and other regressive taxes designed to penalise the poorest in society.

» Campaigning to have the Mayday bank holiday will be reinstated with black bloc performing celebratory Morris dances around may poles throughout the country, waving their black bandanas and shaking ammonia filled light bulbs at passers by.

» Outsourcing the royal wedding to China as they can do it much cheaper over there.

» Proposing that people no longer burn effigies of Guy Fawkes on Nov 5th, suggesting that effigies of the economist Milton Friedman be torched instead.

UKuncut say their mayoral candidate will be chosen by consensus, through using hand signals.


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Reader comments


They have my full support.

Seriously.

2. Martin McGrath

That kettle idea is genius. Can I have one?

And for a site that warns that “sarcastic or silly comments may be deleted” above you’re comments section, isn’t it a bit cheeky to be running an April Fool story?

And will pointing that out get my comment deleted? (That’s comedic recursion for you…)

Obvious.

At least last year Don Paskini nearly got me with the UKIP/Tim Worstall thing.

Or rather, the “we are now called Labour Conspiracy” thing, which was very funny.

Aww where’s your sense of vacuous tradition Paul?

Oh, btw: How the William and Kate marriage will dissolve the class system forever http://thoughcowardsflinch.com/2011/04/01/class-and-the-left/

April fools, dimwits.

7. Yorkshire Rose

We already don’t burn Guy Fawkes up here on that “almost” day in history. Instead preferring to burn effegies of politicians we hate. Gordon went up in flames last time round to drunken jeers! We’re ahead of you guys on that πŸ™‚

Do it. I have never voted in my life (I am 46) – always thought it only encouraged corruption.

But if they form a party, I would sign up and vote.

Is this “initiative” being sponsored by Lord Ashcroft?

Just asking.

What a crap April fools.

@Ukcuts – The joke is on you – it may be a joke but it is a “seriously” good one.

April bloody Fool!

13. Enda O'Farrell

I would vote for them!

Love the Morris dancing idea – has this been put to Black Bloc (sorry Met Police) yet?

Nice diversion for those involved but it will just split the left vote even more and benefit the right.

16. James from Durham

It’s come to something when a deranged April Fool party sounds more sensible than the real thing!

Is it an April Fool ?

18. Chaise Guevara

Shocking! And on today of all days!

A better april fools days joke, would be to suggest that they all join the laobur party,

If you have to make an April Fools joke it should be funny.

21. Robin Levett

It’s worrying when satire becomes indistinguishable from reality.

22. hodge Podge

I might actually get a few friends to do the morris dancing thing…

What is their stance on AV?


Reactions: Twitter, blogs
  1. Liberal Conspiracy

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  2. jonathan paige

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  3. Phil Dickens

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: #UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN << If true, all my dreams have fucking died.

  4. Tabz O'Brien

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  5. Hannah Clayden

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  6. Mancunian Candidate

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  7. Tentacle Sixteen

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/p4wyF81 via @romilagupta

  8. Eval Herz

    RT @AKblackandred: RT @libcon: Exclusive: #UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN << If true, all my dreams have …

  9. sunny hundal

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  10. Dave Wyllie

    #UKUncut to become political party, will prop up economy one lost election deposit at a time. – http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  11. Soph

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  12. r@v

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  13. Matthew McGregor

    Was about to "d'oh", then I remembered the time difference RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  14. Alice Sheppard

    RT @latentexistence: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/p4wyF81 via @romilagupta

  15. Rory Lawless

    RT @journodave: #UKUncut to become political party, will prop up economy one lost election deposit at a time. – http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  16. Double.Karma

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  17. Double.Karma

    RT @latentexistence: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/p4wyF81 via @romilagupta

  18. Stephen Mullen

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  19. Danny James

    @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to
    become a political party
    http://t.co/sfMgh6J <<that's an evil April fools joke! πŸ˜‰

  20. Queer Resistance

    UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://fb.me/YFuNjhgv

  21. Alan Henness

    RT @latentexistence: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/p4wyF81 via @romilagupta

  22. Patrick johnson

    RT @journodave: #UKUncut to become political party, will prop up economy one lost election deposit at a time. – http://bit.ly/dLd2iN <~ haha

  23. Josie and Lori

    RT @AKblackandred: RT @libcon: Exclusive: #UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN << If true, all my dreams have …

  24. copperbird

    Liberal conspiracy April Fool: UKUncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/gfgZ8G

  25. Phoebe M

    RT @maddrell: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN beautiful!

  26. Phoebe M

    RT @maddrell: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN beautiful!

  27. Ben Coleman

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/E3zsERn via @libcon

  28. Jon Squires

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  29. James Webley

    http://bit.ly/gfgZ8G Liberal Conspiracy wins so far, because of my blatant and unrepentant bias in favour of UK Uncut…

  30. Richard Murphy

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  31. newspyre

    rt @richardjmurphy: rt @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  32. Martin Young

    @UKFreeNews Ha, it wasn't a joke! @romilagupta nominated me for Mayor after reading this: http://bit.ly/g4cfKe

  33. UKFreeNews

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  34. Brixtonite

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  35. dmosbon

    RT @copperbird: Liberal conspiracy April Fool: UKUncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/gfgZ8G

  36. Ian Adamson

    Last one for now… http://liberalconspiracy.org/2011/04/01/exclusive-ukuncut-to-become-a-political-party/ via @libcon

  37. Saadaab Janab

    Oh I almost fell for it! Damn you for getting my hopes up RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/Vne0SM1 !”

  38. Tom Ashworth

    RT @sophwarnes: I smiled πŸ™‚ Thank you RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  39. Joan Lawson

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  40. Holly

    Ooh, I say! http://liberalconspiracy.org/2011/04/01/exclusive-ukuncut-to-become-a-political-party/

  41. Average Joe

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  42. Kaisie Rayner

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  43. Liberal Conspiracy

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  44. Gemma Handford

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  45. Rosa

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  46. James Hargrave

    LibCon report UKUncut to become a political party http://j.mp/hxAJ8r (April fool!)

  47. Liam Shields

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  48. Patrick Kingsley

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  49. Daniel Knowles

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  50. annfinster

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  51. James van Gils

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  52. Anon Y Mous

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  53. emma

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  54. Sam Jole

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  55. Deyka Hassan

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  56. Matt Jeffs

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  57. Duncan Edwards

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  58. sparklykate

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  59. Ben Soffa

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/SuYi0EJ <- Selecting Mayoral candidate. Switching my support to them

  60. Jose Aguiar

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  61. Rob Cole

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  62. Alice Perry

    RT @BenSoffa: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/SuYi0EJ <- Selecting Mayoral candidate. Switchin …

  63. Alice Perry

    RT @BenSoffa: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/SuYi0EJ <- Selecting Mayoral candidate. Switchin …

  64. Scott Macdonald

    RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night) >> I know not how I'm going to punish ya..

  65. Scott Macdonald

    RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night) >> I know not how I'm going to punish ya..

  66. Abi O

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  67. Nicholas Shaxson

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  68. TeresaMary

    Amusing with a sharp edge of 'reality' ;-)) RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  69. ANDREW JENNINGS

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  70. Dave Harris

    :o) RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  71. Leonie Northedge

    Definitely my favourite april fool today! RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  72. Dr Eoin Clarke

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  73. Portia

    RT @leonieleonie: Definitely my favourite april fool today! RT @libcon Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  74. Richard Morris

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  75. Ben Little

    β€œRT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/liJ5non " bizarrely I'd probably vote for that. #jazzhands

  76. Zoe Stavri

    I, personally, wouldn't vote for this bunch of violent anarchists. http://t.co/pR7XbkL

  77. David Wilson

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  78. Niklas Smith

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  79. Dotty Sparkletoes

    RT @stavvers: I, personally, wouldn't vote for this bunch of violent anarchists. http://is.gd/kgAStR >>> I thought it woz true πŸ™

  80. Rebecca Wilkinson

    'UKuncut say their mayoral candidate will be chosen by consensus, through using hand signals'. http://tinyurl.com/4ypb9dt. #aprilfool

  81. Joe Jordan

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  82. Jennifer O'Mahony

    RT @BenLittle: β€œRT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/liJ5non " bizarrely I'd probably vote for that. # …

  83. bankofcat

    RT @RichardJMurphy: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN !

  84. Deborah Grayson

    β€œ@libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/egoRIja (from last night)” let's totally have a candidate for mayor!

  85. Deborah Grayson

    β€œ@libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/egoRIja (from last night)” let's totally have a candidate for mayor!

  86. Amisha Ghadiali

    RT @debdebdubdub: β€œ@libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/egoRIja (from last night)” let's totally have a …

  87. Amisha Ghadiali

    RT @debdebdubdub: β€œ@libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/egoRIja (from last night)” let's totally have a …

  88. John Symons

    @libcon Maybe from last night, but surely an April Fool. Targeting the Mayor of London position rather than the City? http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  89. John Symons

    @libcon Maybe from last night, but surely an April Fool. Targeting the Mayor of London position rather than the City? http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  90. John Symons

    #UKuncut want voting by semaphore and results announced using fire beacons http://bit.ly/dLd2iN via @libcon

  91. UK Uncut

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  92. Charlotte Richardson

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  93. Simon Lucas

    Yeah yeah…// RT @latentexistence: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/p4wyF81 via @romilagupta

  94. Mr Edd B

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  95. Sam Jones

    Ha! – Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/O3u7Ln7 via @libcon

  96. bobbits

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  97. Phil

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  98. garry

    RT @UKuncut: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  99. Terry

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/CnvLds6 via @libcon Best April Fool so far?

  100. Glen Willie

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  101. Rhian Johns

    Happy April!! This is fab though! Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://t.co/NKMYVaP via @libcon

  102. Lisa Egan

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  103. Esther Nagle

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  104. Katie Miall

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  105. Nemesis Republic

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: #UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  106. Craig Brooks

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  107. James Random

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  108. Savi Foundation

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  109. Savi Foundation

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  110. Ian Tucknott

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  111. Dave Dawes

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/nApUHtd (from last night)

  112. Esther Foreman

    RT @davedawes: RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://t.co/nApUHtd (from last night)

  113. Nick Talbot

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN Satire becomes indistinguishable from reality.

  114. Osian Llwyd Jones

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  115. Matthew Bass

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  116. kateshay

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  117. Lesley

    This latest news involves Morris Dancing but not as expected: @libcon Exclusive: @UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  118. Tenzinβ„’

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  119. Top Politics Tweets

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  120. Staffordshire UNISON

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  121. Guy Fawks

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  122. Lucy Parsons

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  123. Rachel Hubbard

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party | Liberal Conspiracy http://goo.gl/lk2L1

  124. chang mei wan

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN (from last night)

  125. EcoLabs

    Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN @libcon

  126. EcoLabs

    RT @libcon: Exclusive: UKuncut to become a political party http://bit.ly/dLd2iN

  127. James Leppard

    UKuncut to become a political party – How I laughed http://bit.ly/i2OMLn

  128. Ms C

    Oh yes! UK Uncut to turn world upside down in true spirit of All Fools Day (sorry it's a bit late but worth it): http://tinyurl.com/4ypb9dt





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