You have to give the national media their due: when Pied Piper Nadine Dorries and right-wing bloggers are playing the tune, the press-pack are always willing to sing along behind them.

On Monday night Iain Dale “exclusively” reveals that Ming Campbell would be standing against John Bercow as leader of the house.

I tweeted my scepticism:

Almost willing to bet ‘Ming Campbell as Speaker’ story is rubbish. Tory bloggers have hated Bercow for ages. Just mischief

Iain Dale snorted in response:

Finding it hilarious that lefties are doubting my Ming story. My source is 18 carat gold. Still think John Bercow will win.

After Dale laid the ground, Nadine Dorries sent out her pleading letter to all MPs. It has to be read to be believed for sheer hilarity:

Dear new Member,
Many congratulations and welcome to the House.

Please forgive me for this generic email being brief and to the point.

The first job of the House today is to appoint the Speaker. The Father of the House, Sir Peter Tapsell, will present a motion to the House that John Bercow remains as Speaker.

At this point, members will shout ‘Aye’, on this occasion there will also be members from all parties shouting ‘No’. If enough members shout ‘No’, this will force a division and your first vote as new members will be to vote for or against appointing John Bercow as Speaker.

At this point, the green monitors will flash with the words ‘Division’ and the division bell will ring. This is a free vote and is entirely unwhipped and so whether to vote or not is wholly your decision. You will also have the option to abstain, and so you do not enter either of the voting lobbies.

Despite scare mongering by some left-wing commentators, there will be no repercussions according to which way you vote.

I am sure you are aware that during the previous Parliamentary term Mr Bercow was appointed as Speaker, with unanimous Labour and a handful of Conservative votes. In the words of a Labour whip, it was done to ‘stick it to the Tories’.

That aside, there are a number of reasons why, since his appointment, Mr Bercow has proven unsuitable in the Speaker’s role. Not least, on the occasions during the last session when Mr Bercow found remaining impartial, a crucial quality in the role of Speaker, very difficult, leading to a number of heated exchanges between the Speaker and Conservative MPs.

We are about to head into choppy political waters. It is imperative we have a Speaker who possesses dignity, gravitas, ability, wisdom and who can command respect from all sides of the House. A Speaker beyond reproach, who via his experience has earned the entitlement to such an important office.

There are a number of candidates from all sides imminently more suitable, able and willing; Edward Leigh, Sir Menzies Campbell, Alan Hazlehurst, and Margaret Beckett.

It is imperative that we are seen to begin this Parliament renewed and afresh. We can only do that with a democratic vote for the Speaker. If Mr Bercow wins the vote, he will have the endorsement of the whole House and not just the Labour party.

The Labour MP Kate Hoey, who is supporting the vote and I will be acting as tellers. If you come to the division lobby there will be members on the doors directing you to the lobby depending on which way you wish to vote. I am sure you understand the importance of this vote. I look forward to counting you out of the lobby during your first division.

With very best wishes,

Yours,

Nadine Dorries.

ToryBear was ecstatic! It was “game time for Bercow” he claimed breathlessly. Guido was loudly patting his chum Dale on the back for the story and old pal Nadine Dorries for taking a stand.

The Spectator Coffeehouse called it the “kill Bercow email”.

Can’t live without the Westminster storm-in-teacups can we? People across the country were gripped by the scandal that was about to unfold. The media duly obliged. After all, if right-wing bloggers are excited about it then it must be worth reporting on.

Inevitably, people across the nation were crestfallen when Ming Campbell didn’t challenge John Bercow, and Nadine Dorries’s “kill Bercow” email failed even to harm a fly.

Who says there are no upsides to this Parliament?

Reader comments

1. Liberal Conspiracy

   All that 'kill Bercow' hype lead to nothing at all http://bit.ly/cx9T6T

2. Lorna Ashton-Scott

   RT @libcon: All that 'kill Bercow' hype lead to nothing at all http://bit.ly/cx9T6T

3. Tim Ireland

   RT @libcon: All that 'kill Bercow' hype lead to nothing at all http://bit.ly/cx9T6T

4. Tim Ireland

   Strings of the Dale/Staines/Cole/Dorries alliance of right wing douchebaggery were plain to see yesterday http://bit.ly/cx9T6T

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