The new edition of the New Statesman has this cringingly bad attempt by London’s occasional Mayor Boris Johnson to sound hip and cool:

There are some parts of the economy that have proved astonishingly resilient, and I am completely confident that things will pick up strongly by the back end of this year. We are one of the only European cities to have a young and growing population.

We are going through a neo-Victorian age of transport investment – the Tube upgrades, the Thames Tideway tunnel – and my job as mayor is to keep blapping ministers between the eyes until they understand that it would be utter madness to cut infrastructure projects that will increase com petitiveness. So the plan is simple: lengthen London’s lead as the best big city on earth.

Keep ‘blapping’ ministers between the eyes? Whatever could he mean?

Thankfully the Urban Dictionary provides the answer:

Blap : The act of slapping someone across the face with your penis. They then become your property

Tom at Boriswatch adds:

‘neo-Victorian’ is pushing it – the Tube was mostly Edwardian, extended by Keynesian counter-recessionary spending in the 30s, while the Tideway Tunnel is a giant sewer, as we pointed out when he mistakenly included it in his list of transport projects at State of London last year.

Yeah but who cares about these details?

If Boris could actually get some work done, who are we to complain if he is taking his member out and slapping other ministers across the face with it.

Kit Malthouse better stay on message.
[via @SianBerry]

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