OBAMA – ooohhhhh… excuse me, I think I need to CHANGE my underpants.

TAXES – natural property of the GOVERNMENT, which will use the taxes to make everything BETTER and more DIVERSE.

DIVERSITY – fantastic, superb. You don’t like diversity? You must be a RACIST.

RACIST – person that votes Conservative.

MEAT – murder.

MURDER – not murder, just an unfortunate misdemeanour committed by misunderstood people that probably grew up in POVERTY.

POVERTY – the Worst Thing Ever. There is so much poverty in Britain. Just the other day I saw a sweet young boy of 16 driven to mug another one because he couldn’t afford an ipod! Woe, woe, woe.

INEQUALITY – as bad as poverty. Cos, like, even if you’re better off than most human beings ever in history, it’s unbearable to watch cleverer people make more money than you.

THE STATE – the all-encompassing, all-knowing, omniscient benign being. The State knows All and It will make everything BETTER.

PROGRESS – when things get BETTER, when they are PROGRESSIVE.

WORKING CLASS – the PEOPLE, who must rise and overthrow the capitalist scum. We love the PEOPLE except when they speak their mind on subjects like the death penalty and immigration. This is the PEOPLE being misguided.

CAPITALISM – finished, thanks to the credit crunch. We know f*ck all about economics but it looks to us as if capitalism is dead and WAS MARX RIGHT? Cos if I ask a rhetorical question like that, it must be true.

CHRISTIAN VALUES: Catch-all term that implies Jesus said ‘Blessed are the rich, the male white heterosexuals, nuclear power, car owners, Margaret Thatcher and George W Bush’.

FOOTBALL: Was saved in 1992 by Rupert Murdoch and Sky, who cleansed the freeloading working class hooligans out of the game.

POLITICS STUDENTS: Commie workshy freeloaders who are taking loans and building up huge debts, out of my taxes. (cf THE GREAT UNWASHED)

This one is more topical now, as the credit crunch has taken a turn for the worse since this article was first posted in August:

DE-REGULATED FINANCIAL MARKETS: Imposed by that evil Marxist, Gordie McHaggis, that has robbed me of my pension. Wish Maggie was still in charge. She wouldn’t have done this.

FRED GOODWIN: Greedy thief. But not as greedy as those scrounging immigrants, single mothers, and luxury cruise-taking Labour MPs.

SAVERS: Prudent heroes.

BORROWERS: The devil incarnate.

BABY P: Totemic figure that explains the failure of SOCIALISM and short-term newspaper sales spikes. Fortunately died months before joining the hooded ranks of FERAL YOUTH

How does it feel to be responsible for the death of western civilisation?

When did you stop beating your wife?

And remember: Multicultaralsim may well mean the end of British culture, but its the liberals and lefties that will suffer first. Talk about snapping the hand that feeds you. Enjoy the future, it belongs to the Right.

This is one self-satisfied carnival of smugness isn’t it.

SPONGER – Anyone who earns less than me.

SCROUNGER – Anyone who earns less than me and has the temerity to complain about it.

HARD-WORKING TAXPAYERS – People like me who don’t quite earn enough to avoid tax.

ENTREPRENEUR – Salt of the earth, spreading wealth and riches to all HARD-WORKING TAXPAYERS through the miracle of TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS.

PAEDO – 1) Ugly-looking socially inept middle-aged man; 2) Ugly-looking socially inept middle-aged man who’s close to his mum; 3) Unstoppable boy-buggering machine clandestinely abetted by NULABORE.

SPORTSMEN/WOMEN – Olympic athletes.

PRIMADONNAS – Premiership footballers.

NATIONAL SOCIALISTS – Socialists. Hitler and Attlee, sitting in a tree…

Also recently spotted was the name McSTALIN (Gordon Brown, obviously…)

Hah!

Link: http://bigdaddymerk.co.uk/mailwatch/forum/viewtopic.php?t=765

COMPETITIVE SPORT: Introducing as much of this into SCHOOLS as possible will solve all the problems of BROKEN BRITAIN, by forcing the FERAL YOUTH to progressively improve their STANDARDS and do better in EXAMS.

EXAMS: The ultimate purpose of SCHOOLS, a form of test which is known to become progressively easier with time. It is incumbent on the young to do better in their EXAMS come what may, but any rise in the percentage of them doing so is a sign of the decline of STANDARDS. EXAMS must have become easier, because the FERAL YOUTH frequently pass them, despite being unable to improve their STANDARDS by participating in COMPETITIVE SPORT. EXAMS are always too easy, except when the Government decides to make them more difficult as in 2002, in which case a SCANDAL occurs.

TALKING POINTS: They don’t exist! Did I mention that TALKING POINTS don’t exist? Oh look, Praguetory just said that TALKING POINTS don’t exist! And so does Iain Dale!